Learning about reality through immersion - one family's encounter with the Waiters Union
The Waiters Union is a network of residents in Brisbane, Australia who are
committed to developing a sense of community in the locality with their
neighbours, including those who are marginalised, in the radical
tradition of Jesus.
Pete Hawkins and his family spent two weeks with them and shares his story here...
My wife Jenny and I, along with our two boys, Callum and Rowan (then aged five and three) spent two memorable weeks with the Waiters Union in the run-up to Christmas 2003. In truth I approached this trip with no small trepidation. Both Jenny and I were long-term fans of all that the Union was about, but I felt we were ill-equipped. This seemed strange as with university qualifications in psychology, social work, studies of drug misuse and charity management, I wasn’t short of relevant academic knowledge. Having worked for five years as a Probation Officer and the following seven leading a charity that supported Christian drug and homelessness programmes, my professional experience seemed up to scratch too.
The difference between 'knowing' and 'experiencing'
You see, I was aware that it was one thing to ‘know’ and quite another to experience the realities of total community immersion, 24/7, especially with two young boys. Whilst I’d picked up a good amount of knowledge, this had often been at an arm’s length. Moreover I was aware of another downside of this ‘professional’ learning - although she had walked beside me as I studied and worked, Jenny had not been there in the classroom, the courtroom or the hostel. Her first hand experience was not the same. How would I/she/we cope with the ‘no-where to hide’ immersion that I expected the fortnight to bring?
We came away not with vastly greater knowledge (though there was certainly some), but with huge growth in our understanding. Our heads hadn’t been overly taxed, but our hearts stretched considerably. We came to a new understanding of an old friend’s saying, ‘some things can only be caught, not taught’.
A rough night's sleep
Total immersion was something that I experienced in a number of ways during this fortnight. One of the exercises we were offered was to head out into the neighbourhood and to sleep rough for the night. For all my years of involvement with homeless projects and people, this was something I had never experienced. Yet I felt quite safe and smug as I settled for the night amongst the shrubs of a communal garden. However, both feelings were washed away when, at 3.00am, the night-time watering system started up the sprinklers. No sooner had I worked out that I wasn’t the target of drunkard’s urination than my comfy hollow revealed itself to be part of the drainage system! That hadn’t happened in the lectures I’d heard about sleeping rough. Spending what remained of the night in sodden clothing was not comfortable, and the feral dogs that arrived before first light to sniff out my subsequent resting place were more than a little threatening. The next-day feelings of exhaustion made me wonder if I should have had greater empathy with those often dirty and grumpy faces that had dragged themselves to the Probation Office two hours late for their 9.00am appointment.
Inside the Union - the dream and the day-to-day
This time was also an opportunity to discover the underbelly of the Union. Inevitably the books and papers I had read were written from the author's viewpoint and missed out some details, especially what was uncomfortable or unresolved. In talking with one Union ‘member’ I learned how she had given up much to be a part of things, and once a part had continued to give. But over the years her experience of the gap between the publicly espoused ideals and the day to day reality had left her with some disappointments and hurts, though she valiantly remained connected, albeit on the periphery. On hearing her story initially I felt disillusioned – perhaps it was all an unattainable dream, a chasing after rainbows. But through greater reflection and discussion with others, I came to a richer and more profound understanding. Classroom learning can easily lead to glamorous illusions of the reality, and when everyday life proves rather more complex and messy, the effect can be devastating. I was mindful of fellow journeymen who had ‘walked away’ from similar work; and I was equally cognisant of some of my own disappointment and pain. Yet ‘held’ within the community experience, with the time and opportunity to discuss this reality, I found a deeper harmony with my own life and a greater respect for all that the Union is about.
My own life is ‘earthed’ in the realities of a broken and sinful world, and I am a contributor to this damage. As I seek understanding for my own failings, I should extend the same cover to other’s shortcomings, though different to my own. Though partial success maybe the best we ever achieve, the perfect can still be held up as a goal – it is a motivating target to aim for. Through the continued commitment of this Waiter, despite the past hurts and disappointments, I learned a new approach to some of my own pain; and that we need to hang onto and strive for our dreams even though we know they’ll never be achieved. I could have read this in a book, but the impact only came firsthand.
Learning as a family
One of our concerns about the community experience was that the intensity would be overwhelming. Again, we learned, through experience, that this can be moderated from the text book ideals. Upon arrival we were offered the use of a house a few streets away (generously entrusted to us by another Waiter away on holiday) with the chance to retire of an evening and ensure the kids got enough sleep. This made the intensity a joy not a burden. Another unexpected bonus was the sharing of childcare by others on the course. It was a great relief to have others take oversight of our little ones for a while (often to go and buy fresh mangoes). And these ‘sitters’ seemed to enjoy the time with our boys too.
One of the profound strengths of the Waiters' Union is the hands-on community experience – the community of course participants, the Waiters' community itself as well as the community of the wider district. There is no substitute for actually being a part of things and through the realities, both good and bad, I, and as importantly we, learned together as a family. My past learning and work had not been shared directly by my family. Whilst I could describe my pain when one of the young offenders I was supervising attempted suicide, Jenny didn’t know him. These 2 weeks gave us the chance to narrow that experiential gap.
Yet it extended beyond Jenny and, though young, our boys could also learn. Whilst it was unwise to take our lads rough sleeping on the streets, they could have their own experience. So, a couple of nights after I’d dried out, we slept out in cardboard boxes beneath the house. Callum and Rowan still remember the eerie noises and the challenge of night time toilets 6 years on, and have an empathy with those for whom this is a regular experience.
Christmas with a difference
One of the deepest and probably the most moving experience was the Christmas party we prepared as a community, for those who would be unlikely to find a welcome elsewhere. The festivity was attended by people with a whole host of personal, social and behavioural challenges. Whilst I’m not sure how well it would have fitted with some of the over-zealous health and safety requirements we experience in the UK, (though such a bland and boring, ultra-safe world is not something I want my kids to grow up in) there was enough wisdom and sufficient watching eyes to keep a check on the what and the who. As someone who is rather jaded by the consumer-driven excesses of our usual Christmas experience, this was deeply meaningful time. The best china and champagne were substituted for paper plates and lemonade, but it was a time of unbridled celebration; with an honesty and sincerity and an unconditional welcome that more than made up for the lack of fineries. It was also significant for those attending; maybe it was the time of year or the occasion, but a number found a way to talk about their lives as never before. There was fun, there was joking, there was feasting on jam sandwiches and crisps. And as guests came to leave, the eye contact made by some who would otherwise never look you in the face spoke of the gift of dignity and human connection they had received.
When our all-too-brief fortnight was over we had learned much that was applicable to coming alongside hurting people. Significantly we had learned as a family, and the strains of such involvement demand the understanding and commitment of the whole. It is not that formalised learning is irrelevant, far from it, but that there were experiential lessons that hadn’t been available through our previous endeavours; learning that developed our understanding, perspective and compassion that are all too often lacking in the professionalised world of social care.
Pete Hawkins 2010.
This is an extract from 'Learnings - Lessons we are learning about living together', edited by Dave Andrews and Helen Beazley, published by the Community Initiatives Resource Association, 2010.
About The Waiters' Union
The West End Waiters Union was named because the members wanted to be waiters in West End. The idea is not to set agendas for people, but to be available, like waiters, to take people's orders, and to do whatever they can, to help. They have a particular commitment to developing a sense of hospitality in the locality, so that all people, especially those who are usually displaced, can really begin to feel at home in the community.